Experience:PsilocybinMushroom(3.75 Grams, Oral) - Not So Golden Teachers

Experience index — PsilocybinMushroom Substance(s): Psilocybin Mushroom (Golden Teachers) Dose: 3.75 Grams Route of Administration: Oral: Subject: Not So Golden Teachers

Age: 24 Sex: M Height: 185 cm / 73 inches (include both if possible) Weight: 82 kg / 181 lb (include both if possible) Date: 10/2023 Location: US / Rocky Mountains Background: This was a trip I took with my friend serving as the trip sitter. It was started in the early afternoon. My primary intention was: to forgive a friend for acting recklessly on benzos on my birthday, facing my fear of pushing to higher doses, and reflecting on the month anniversary of my sobriety from cannabis.

Timeline - 2:00 - Started Fasting

0:00 - Ate the mushrooms with cheez-its, cleared the batch within about 6 minutes 0:20 - CNS Activation, general stimulation, and the assurance that these mushrooms were of proper potency 0:30 - Visuals becoming apparent. Noticed the assortment of trees outside my apartment window was highly saturated with color 0:45 - Feelings of unease, felt like I had to purge the hate I had for my friend from my soul. Started journaling in my sketchbook, noting the relativity of mental illness and the universality of personal problems and personality quirks; concluding that to hate my close friend is to ultimately hate myself. Soon after, I started hallucinating sketches that existed previously in my notebook appearing on the blank patch opposite my notes. This in tandem with an intense grateful dead jam, jolted me from my bed. 1:00 - After some breathwork, a change in music, and an emphasis on socializing with my friend; I start to feel significantly better. I start dancing around my apartment, grooving out and walking myself softly to the nearing peak. Also did calisthenics. 1:15 - My friend goes to the bathroom, and I have a sudden realization of the extremely brutal fight I’d had with my partner just over a month prior. The fight occurred while I was in a k-hole, and in the same apartment I was currently in. I felt an intense wave of guilt for my part to play in the fight (the worst fight we’d ever had, spurned by a statement I’d made regarding my ex in the throws of a K-hole). I felt scorned and judged by what I felt were the presence of entities. Thoughts of suicide briefly crossed my mind but were never truly entertained. I felt like I had been transported back to the time of the fight, and was concerned I had tainted my ability to trip in this apartment. 1:30 - I start talking to my friend, and she tells me that I have nothing to feel guilty over. The wrong done in that argument was ultimately balanced out on both sides. She tells me that I probably have some trauma that I’ve been repressing, and it’s natural to feel it coming back in a similar environment. The talking helps, but the general feeling of unease doesn’t really go away. This feels less like a therapeutic remediation of trauma, and more like a realization of guilt and trauma left unresolved. It’s around this time I also feel like my arms look like that of a child’s, likely a reaction to my perceived vulnerability. 1:45 - I try meditating, and my closed-eye visuals give me the sense that I may be able to escape my problem by ascending from my ego. After meditating some more, my ego is very softened, however, I still feel shitty, and I retreat to my bedroom 2:00 - Here is where time starts to become meaningless. I feel like I’m being judged by the Golden Teacher (an entity I’ve attached to my favorite strain, and often pay homage to at the beginning and end of the trip). I beg her forgiveness for my arrogance and superiority complex. I apologize for the wrongs slighted at my partner. It doesn’t seem to do much, and I soon feel the presence of Jester-like entities, laughing at my condition. Around here I get the notion that perhaps I need to stand up to these bullies, and very quickly I’m assured that will only drag me down to hell. I spend a lot of time looking into my radiator, the mushroom entities emphasizing the expulsion of toxic attitudes and behaviors, and reinforcement of healthy practices I’d picked up (i.e. quitting weed) 2:30 - Coherency starts to return to me, and I go hang out with my friend in the other room. Despite my rough time, the abundance of trips shows me that it’s not ultimately a big deal, and maybe it’s kind of funny in hindsight (specifically trying to fight the jesters). We fool around mid-journey, and I relax; although I can’t escape the feeling of unease 4:00 - More or less sober. Some body load and hangover effects instead of an afterglow 8:00 - Body load persists, I drink some red vein kratom to mitigate and it works great.

Conclusion: Certainly a therapeutic experience, and the knowledge that it wasn’t gonna be fun definitely helped me accept the bleak nature of the trip early on. I’m still left with feelings of unease from the repressed memories being unearthed. I’m gonna have to work on them, and will likely have to either see a therapist or have a more guided trip. I did consider that perhaps a higher dose could be necessary, so as to break out of simply intensifcations of personal dilemmas and view them from a less connected perspective.

Subjective Scales (1-6) Effect Index Intensity Scale: Visuals: 4 Introspection: 5 Cohesion: 3 Body Load: 4 Spirituality/Mysticism: 4

Noted Subjective Effects Physical: Appetite Suppression, Sedation, Excessive Yawning, Pupil Dilation

Cognitive: Anxiety, Emotion Intensification, Empathy Enhancement, Immersion Enhancement, Increased Music Appreciation, Memory Enhancement, Thought Acceleration, Wakefulness, Addiction Suppression, Mixed Emotions, Thought Loops, Cognitive Dysphoria/Euphoria (Not simultaneous), Autonomous Voice Communication, Catharsis, Deja Vu, Depression, Introspection, Mindfulness, Suicidal Ideation, Spirituality Enhancement

Sensory: Color Enhancement, Acuity Enhancement, Peripheral Information Misinterpretation, Breathing (Flowing, Breathing), Perceptive Distortion, Brightness Alteration, Visual Exposure to Inner Mechanics of consciousness, Geometry, Internal Hallucination (Level 2), Autonomous Entity, Gustatory Suppression, Olfactory Suppression, Anticipatory Response, Memory Replays, Scenarios and Plots

Submitted by Ceganoodle