Experience:7g Penis Envy - Started good, ended bad

Substance(s): Penis Envy and Hillbilly Cubensis Dose: Approximately 7g each Route of Administration: Oral ingestion

Subject

Age/Sex: 22F/ 24M Weight: 100lbs/160lbs Date: 09/2023

Background I am a 22 year old woman, have had multiple experiences with psychedelics, including 4-aco-dmt, LSD and Shrooms, at high doses. I have mental health issues, including BPD, depression, and dissociation.

My bf is a 24 year old man who has had few experiences with psychedelics. He did not respond well to LSD. He has responded well to shrooms and 4-aco-dmt at low doses, but responds horribly to higher doses. He typically has intense anxiety daily and has attempted suicide in the past after his ex wife cheated on him.

Experience Report:

Bf and I did some PE and HB for the first time last night. It was a little more than we planned for initially. I told him 2g of PE would be plenty.

We put on a cool movie that involved aliens and horses, lol. The movie was called “Nope”. We weren’t feeling anything about an hour or two into the initial dose of 2g, so we both decided to take more. We finished off the rest of the PE I had and had some HB as well, unweighed. I estimate we took about 5g extra a piece.

Everything was cool at first. We started to feel it hit and paused the movie and put on some music. That shit hit hard. I a little less than he did, but I was fucking zooted. Straight up glued to the floor and was experiencing intense fractals coordinated to the rhythm of the music. The dresser was about 7 feet away from us but it felt like it was one inch away from my face and in the style of bubble letters.

My bf turned the music off, and shit felt wayyyy off. I got instantly anxious, the vibe felt fucking off. Everything looked like it was dying. The room started turning a depressing dark gray color and reminded me of the scenery in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I haven’t watched that movie in probably 6+ years, lol. I think what freaked me out was my subconscious memory of the last time we took a high dose and everything went to shit when the music was turned off. I anxiously asked him to turn the music back on, he did. At some point he said that the music was too much, so he turned it back off. I got anxious again.

I noticed him starting to get physically uncomfortable. He was restless and anxious. He repeatedly said things like “how do i make this stop” and “please help me”.

I tried comforting him over and over. I told him that he was safe and loved, that I would protect him, that he had just taken a lot of shrooms and the effects WILL wear off just like every other time we’ve done them. I told him that throwing up might make him feel better. This turned into a cycle that lasted for what felt like HOURS.

He got into the shower at some point and was hysterical, and we were still cycling through the same conversation. He was desperately trying to force himself to vomit the shrooms up.

I asked him to try to slow his breathing down and to breathe with me. I would go “Breathe in, hold it, breathe out” while I was taking deep breaths to try to get him to do it with me. It didn’t seem like he was listening to me at all or that he was there mentally.

At some point, he started forcefully banging his head on the side of the tub. I instantly covered the top of his head with my hands so that he wouldn’t hurt himself. I tried calming him down. I asked him to look at me and to breathe in and out. It eventually helped to calm him down somewhat, though he wasn’t breathing with me lol. He was still repeating “i just want this to stop” and asked me to help him make it stop. I kept reassuring him the same things, that the effects would wear off, and throwing up might help them end sooner. He desperately tried to force himself to throw up, but nothing came out.

He got out of the shower and into the bed soaking wet. I sat with him on the bed. He started gagging, i asked him to try to make it to the toilet. I tried helping him, but he crawled his way over there. This entire scenario happened several times. Bed, gagging, toilet, shower, bed.

At some point he started walking towards the front door. I told him that he shouldn’t go outside, it’s not safe outside, and that he was going to get hurt. He walked outside anyways (clothed this time, thankfully. The last bad trip we had (high dose of 4-aco-dmt), he walked outside butt ass naked) and into the middle of the street and wouldn’t stop walking. I kept frantically asking him to go back inside because i didn’t want him to get hurt. He was not mentally present.

It wasn’t until I felt personally unsafe being so far away from the apartment that I told him I couldn’t watch this happen anymore and that I was going to go back inside. I told him that i wished for him to come with because I could ensure that he would be safe.

Somehow that worked. He followed me inside. I locked the door. After he finally got into bed, i layed with him. At some point he punched the TV and broke it. This particular part was a blur for me, I don’t exactly remember why he did that. It was on at the time, with the movie still paused. I turned the TV off, turned the lights off, and said we should try to go to bed.

When he was back in bed, his muscles were twitching like crazy and his body was jerking a lot. He usually gets muscle spasms any time he takes mushrooms.

I stopped putting effort into trying to calm him down at this point. I was beyond mentally exhausted. I just laid there, silently listening to him twitch, mumble, and jerk around. There was nothing more i could say at that point to try to help him cope with how he was feeling. He creepily and awkwardly had his hands on my head, moving them slowly. It freaked me out, it felt like he was trying to get closer to my neck. I inched away from him on the bed. He later told me that was him trying to pet my hair, lol.

Eventually he snapped out of his episode. He stopped twitching, he stopped mumbling. Immediately after he did, he was in shock of what just happened. He said he was suicidal and straight up wanted to murder something or somebody. He told me that he was afraid he was going to kill me, and that he’s glad he didn’t. He told me to shoot him if that happened to him again. I told him I don’t even have a gun. He told me to get one, don’t tell him about it, and hide it. Lol. I’ll pass. He told me that he understands how people can have psychedelic-caused psychotic breaks and kill people.

I was absolutely terrified of him at this point. I told him that I needed to sleep on the couch, but that I still love him. He was disheartened, but understood, and told me goodnight and that he loved me too. I was alerted he was going to Jill himself because of this, but he just went to sleep thankfully. I was completely unable to sleep at all. Every little noise was freaking me out. I’ve had my batshit moments, but even that shit terrified the fuck out of me.

Our roommate got home from work around 4am. I thought he was in his room the whole time asleep. He wasn’t. I told him about what happened, then went back to the couch afterwards.

Fast forward to when we both woke up and had a long conversation about that night. My bf and I are pretty sure it was because of the high level of stress that he didn’t realize he’s been feeling recently. He’s got a lot of stuff going on at work, just had his motorcycle stolen (we apprehended that shit from the thief, lol), going through a tax audit and divorce with his ex wife who he’s been separated from for a few years now after she cheated.

He assured me that he did not want to kill me and had no hostile thoughts towards me, only himself. He told me that I made him feel as comfortable as I possibly could and that he was extremely grateful for that. He told me that if I weren’t there comforting him, he probably would have killed himself.

He doesn’t remember the majority of his episode. He doesn’t even remember right after his episode where he was telling me he thought he was going to kill me.

He told me the rundown of what he did remember. We did 2g, felt nothing, did more, felt a lot, he turned the music off, i got anxious, he turned it back on, then off, i got anxious again, that made HIM anxious, then he felt not in control of his thoughts or emotions and had a full blown anxiety attack and wanted it to end. He remembered hitting his head on the tub. He mentioned that he punched the TV earlier because it sounded like there were cogs and gears inside of it and it felt evil to him, lol. He didn’t remember walking outside, but remembers following me back inside.

He’s told me that he doesn’t want to touch psychedelics anymore. I agree that he shouldn’t. It doesn’t work well with his intense anxiety, at least at that high of a dose. I’m personally experienced in psychedelics and felt like I could handle myself well, and I’m surprised that I was able to somewhat keep the situation under control. I was still fucked up to the point where if he did end up killing himself, I wouldn’t have been capable of calling the police. I’m glad that I didn’t have to, and we’re not going to allow it to get to that point again.

We ended the day on a much better note than the night before. We did some chores, got some Mexican food, then spent the night in bed watching movies and played a bit of video games before going to sleep. I feel relieved that what he was saying after his episode about wanting to kill somebody was just the shrooms talking, and I’m grateful that he’s alive and safe. Rip the TV though, lmao.