Experience:70mg Lisdexamfetamine (oral) - My first stimulant experience
- Substance(s): lisdexamfetamine (elvanse), caffeine, dutasteride
- Dose: 70mg
- Route of Administration: oral (capsule)
Subject
- Age: ~20
- Sex: Transgender Female
- Height: ~180 cm / ~70 inches
- Weight: ~70kg / ~150lb
- Date: 08/2023
- Location: Europe
- Psychological issues:
- Autism and Autism related sensory issues
- Attention deficit
- Gender related dysphoria
- Social anxiety
- Typical Emotional numbness
- Occational manic behavioural swings
Background
At the time of this experience, I was suspecting that I might have the clinical condition "ADHD", due to long term noticable issues, starting from elementary school.
These were before connected by others with my diagnosed autism.
I was having alot of issues at work and since I am generally not able to navigate the medical system, talking to a psychologist was out of the picture.
Long story short, the last time I had one, I ended up having to run out of their office.
Before this experience I had not conciously (potencially unlabeled substance in distress) taken any serious stimulant substances.
I had for a long time been itching to try any sort of stimulant, to see if it would improve my daily life, and draw more conclusions from here.
So admittedly without any knowledge of proper dosing or what lisdex even really is, I acquired two 70mg elvanse capsules from a person I bearly knew.
I was unaware that 70mg is the highest available dosing, my only knowledge was that lisdex was supposed to work very well for adhd related issues.
Experience report
Timeline
T+ 10:30 - Arrival
I just arrived at the office, most of my coworkers were in homeoffice, nice, peaceful and its pretty warm.
Staring at the 2 pills I had obtained the day before, "today would probably be a good day to test it in a controlled enviroment"
T+ 10:35 - Injestion
I went to the kitchen, brewed a coffea (~100 mg) and got a glas of water.
I than swallowed the 70 mg lisdexamfetamine capsule along with a sketchy crudely made 1 mg dutasteride(dihydrotestosterone blocker) tablet.
T+ 10:50 - Working
Thinking that I should probably experience the effects soon, I start trying to be productive, working on my own project (not work related), a proprietary application I had been reverse engineering for a decent bit.
At first nothing... obviously considering the onset of lisdexamfetamine, but I didn't know that, so I kept forcing myself.
"maybe this is not working?" I thought to myself.
T+ 11:20 - Intoxication
After a while, A warm rush of intoxication came over me, like I was burning up, my breath also started to become restricted (something I associate with medium to heavy stimulant usage now), not suprising considering the heat in our badly ventilated office(~30 C), but I didn't realize that.
Internally I started panicking, "what if this makes me pass out?, what if I have to go to the hospital?, will I get fired?...."
T+ 11:35 - Anxiety suppression
Panic quickly faded, happiness and euphoria took over and I just kept working on my project.
All my usual anxiety started disappearing completely soon after.
Without the usual horrible feelings, I got up and grabed a spare fan.
I turned on music on my headphones, with no usual worries what people might think, the music sounded amazing.
Continuing to work on my project my focus becomes immense, I spend half an hour accidentally fully reverse engineering code which I had generated myself as a reference... (in layman's terms, absolute non-sense caused by a thought error, requiring increadible concentration and alot of work to do, only for me to realize what I have done at the end).
Around this time my teeth started to tightly clench, this persisted the entire day and the strain was still present throughout the next day.
T+ 12:30 - Socializing
I typically am way too anxious to talk to people about my name change. At the time most people refered to me by my old name.
A coworker came by calling me by my old name, asking if I want to join them at lunch since there is too much food, I without any filter explained to them that I wish to be called by my real name and why this is quite significant to me, and proceded to accepted the invitation.
Usually I don't go to eat lunch, the amount of people (even though I work at a small company) stresses me, I don't ever talk there and I have issues with most of the food.
Casually I come and sit with the CTO and a senior developer, they are talking about some awful distributed system for our software... but I am enthralled!
Usually I would blank out listening to a complicated conversation in a crowded room, but I can follow every word.
I ask silly questions and In the end have a quite nice conversation, with us agreeing that we will talk about this more in the standup meeting... "don't they realize Im increadibibly high?, I never acted like this before"
T+ 12:40 - Appetite suppression
I of course was also unaware of the Appetite suppression effects of amphetamines, staring at a full plate of for once decent food, I bearly manage to finish half of it.
T+ 12:50 - Continuing work
I had worked enough on my own project, at the time I thought the entire reason for doing this was so that I would improve at work, so I sat down, I had not done any work what so ever the entire week (it was friday), I had lied about my progress and kept being unable to deliver it.
Concentrating on work, I for the first time in a long while felt happy working, it was soul crushing work, but I felt motivated, and satisfied doing the best I could, I continued to do all the work I had lied about in the next hours, taking no breaks, weeks worth of work done in 2 hours.
T+ 13:30 - Self perception change
Going to the bathroom, I realize a strong change in my self image, I didn't feel dysphoric about my apperance for once, I felt like I was pretty
T+ 15:00 - Standup meeting
I hate Standup meetings, they are the two times in the week where I am anxious for hours straight, every time I write down every last word I will say, beforehand and am always increadibly glad when I am done.
This time, It was a small round, we are going more into the lunch topic, I ask so many questions I would start to feel silly, if my anxiety was there, I made suggestions, I joked around, this was the first and only time I enjoyed a meeting.
Again only leaving with the thought in the back of my mind, that people know...
"is this how normal people experience these?".
T+ 15:30 - Realization of situation
At this time, I started to realize, just how limited I am, I have 2 pills, one of which is currently in my system... "this is already basically over, and I will be like normal for half a year or so..." (spoiler that was not the case)
I started writting to the person who I got the pills from, most of this experience is recounted from this message, It also contains information on previous trauma, past relationships, mental illness and finally of course me asking them for help...
In total this message was 1192 words long, I never dared to send it, even when writting it this was apperant to me, yet I hyper-focused on this for hours on end.
T+ 17:00 - Further Socialising
I talked quite a bit with some senior developers, giving out compliments and having a good time.
I also around this time came to the realization that my eyes were wide open and one of them was quite blood shot.
T+ 17:30 - Hackerspace
My shift ended here, on my way home, I was oddly happy in the crammed tube, non of the people staring at me mattered today, they couldn't ruin this.
"This was the best day in the past 2 years" I thought to myself
I continued to go to the hackerspace I spend most of my free time at, there is usually no good reason for me to go, although I keep forcing myself, It overloads me, I don't make friends there, every time I leave exausted and sad...
This time, I came in as the first person, I focused on writting the previously mentioned message, but when the next person arrived (this person has since than become my friend), I put down my machine and I started forcing conversation heavily, even when more people arrived I was able to continue, speaking comfortably in a big group, doing silly things outside with some people
Somebody needed advanced technical help, usually I would just let other people handle it, I would be overwhelmed anyhow, but I could today couldn't I?
I continue to help the person for ~2 hours, the problem is very frustrating, soaking up time.
I am still feeling the lisdex... I really don't want to waste this precious time.
T+ 20:00 - Come down
I am suddenly experiencing my usual anxiety, breaking down on the issue, I was unable to finish it.
I thought to myself... "The effects probably just ended", but of course I had no idea stimulants have a comedown.
I returned to staring at walls, being overwhelmed and my usual anxious self, probablably worse.
T+ 21:00 - Dosing realism
After a while of being too anxious to say it, I brought up that I had taken medication the first time today to two other people with ADHD, after being asked for the dose, the question that followed was, "do you have stimulant psychosis?, are you seeing or hearing things?"... no, no I was not... not today
But it was a reasonable question.
Till the end of the night, I clinged and cuddled onto somebody whom I was friendly with, probably the only reason I was remotely able to bear it.
I was able to follow some of the conversations in the room, I was completly unable to participate as usual.
T+ 03:00 - home
I stumbled home anxious and exhausted.
Conclusion
it confirmed my suspicions about productivity to me.
and I have since a bit after that been able to reguluarly medicate on reasonable doses, which improved most circumstances in my life... while escalating others(stimulant psychosis and severe paranoia with consequences)
I have also not experienced such intense social effects after.
Submitted by 0xea
Effects analysis
- Increased music appreciation - "the music sounded amazing"
- Motivation enhancement - "I for the first time in a long while felt happy working"
- Novelty enhancement - "they are talking about some awful distributed system for our software... but I am enthralled!"
- Anxiety suppression - "All my usual anxiety started disappearing completely soon after"
- Cognitive euphoria - "Panic quickly faded, happiness and euphoria took over"
- Depression reduction - "This was the best day in the past 2 years"
- Stimulation - "taking no breaks, weeks worth of work done in 2 hours." "I ask so many questions I would start to feel silly"
- Appetite suppression - "staring at a full plate of for once decent food, I bearly manage to finish half of it"
- Pupil dilation - "around this time came to the realization that my eyes were wide open and one of them was quite blood shot"
- Dizziness - "A warm rush of intoxication came over me"
- Increased bodily temperature - "like I was burning up"
- Respiratory depression - "my breath also started to become restricted"
- Teeth grinding - "Around this time my teeth started to tightly clench which persisted the entire day"