Experience:5-MeO-DMT - Unknown Dosage - Complete Blackout Until Reintegration

Substance(s): Non-synthetic 5-MeO-DMT (Bufo) Dose: Unknown Route of Administration: Smoked Age: 37 Sex: F Height: 5'5 Weight: 127 LBS Date: 2021 Location: USA Background I have minimal experience with psychedelics. I took shrooms a few times in my 20s and that's it. Lifelong marijuana user. I take a small dose of amitriptyline for depression and it's worth noting that I have Aphantasia. Aphantasia is the lack of an ability to visualize with eyes closed. For example, a typical person can close their eyes and picture some degree a photorealistic apple, let's say. People with Aphantasia see only blackness. We have no Mind's Eye, so to speak. I have often wondered how this impacts the psychedelic experience but due to the rarity of this condition (3%-5% of the population), I have been unable to find someone to discuss it with.

Experience report I began my Bufo trip with an experienced and trusted guide. It was 7:00ish in the evening and we were a space in his home dedicated to hold space for all manner of journeys. I felt warm, safe, and positive.

I set my intention, brought with me an offering of a sage and wildflower bundle that I had gathered and made myself from Utah's southeastern deserts, and meditated with my guide for about an hour beforehand. I asked the Bufo to help me feel safe in the world; due to childhood trauma, I never have.

I had decided to do an full inhalation rather than a few small "handshakes" as I am prone to anxiety and feared that if I didn't go full bore on the first hit that I would lose the courage. I inhaled to absolute full lung capacity and held it for 13 seconds. Before my exhalation was complete, I was gone.

The timeline that follows is a bit confusing. What I thought was immediately after my hit, I felt myself sense of self be completely and utterly blown apart. My guide and I were sitting cross legged facing each other and I put my head down on his knee and said "I don't like this - I don't like this - how much longer will it take?" and I just felt myself as pure energy. I could not feel by body at all and my ego was scattered. Then I put my hands flat on the floor in front of me to steady myself and looked at them. My fingers were elongated and wavy and the veins in my hand were moving like snakes but that wasn't super scary to me. I was mostly just freaked out by the fact that I was not me anymore. Within the fear, I also felt euphoric. I could feel myself resisting the "apartness" of my ego. I desperately wanted to be back together. I looked up into the face of my guide and he said "Hi" very sweetly but his face was elongating and his eyes were bulging. Again, that visual was not scary - I was just still scared that I would be stuck in the "apart" state that I felt I was in. I think time must have slowed down because the music, which was a special DMT playlist, was completely distorted. During all of this I could feel myself slowly coming together and when I was finally together enough to stop being afraid, I said "Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. That was amazing. That was so beautiful" and then I laid down, still feeling euphoric, and started crying. I just kept saying "Holy shit, what was that? What was that?! What was that?" over and over while I laughed and cried.

The interesting part about this is that from my perspective, I took the hit and immediately starting saying the "I don't like this" thing. From that point to where I reintegrated and laid down crying over the beauty was probably a total of about 7 minutes. However, once I had sobered up a bit and was processing the experience with my guide, he said that when I exhaled, I blipped out for 15 full minutes. He said that I had a very serious look on my face and my eyes were wide open and I just sat there unmoving and staring straight ahead for fifteen. full. minutes. straight. I was astonished! I was in absolute disbelief. Where had I gone? I have no idea. It was a complete, full-block blackout. What I now understand is that I what I thought was my ego being blown apart was actually just the beginning of my reintegration.

I felt a body high for about half hour after the reintegration and I couldn't stop smiling and laughing and crying. I kept saying "That was so beautiful" but I find that odd since I can't remember anything that happened to me in that 15 minutes.

If I had to break this down into a timeline, I'd say 7:00pm - Full inhalation 7:00pm - 7:15 pm - Blackout 7:15pm - Reintegration begins and I feel how "apart" my ego is - feeling scared it would never end - intense visuals 7:20pm - Visuals are gone and my ego is back "together" enough to realize that I am not stuck "apart" and the relief is unbelievable 7:20pm - 8:00pm - Body high and intense euphoria but also intense shock at the realization that I was wakefully unconscious for 15 minutes and remember nothing

For about 10 days after this experience, I had an intense aversion to exposure to violence on T.V or in movies. I'm usually like my cinema to be dark and gritty but afterward 5-MeO-DMT, I had zero tolerance for anything dark at all. It felt soul violating and gross.

It's been a few months since this experience and while my tolerance for violence isn't zero, it's still very much diminished. For the first time in my life, I prefer uplifting content.

Weird.