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Experience:Meditation with cannabis - terminated ego loss: Difference between revisions
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I tried to focus on becoming same with the buddha again, but now it led me to another delusion. I felt that everything in my life, all the people in it and all my experiences had been only in order to bring me to this point. And thus everything was about me, all of the outer reality was only an illusion in my mind. Somehow this led me to a thought: I had already died before, and this life I was now living was only some kind of an afterlife limbo. I was terrified and backed out from following this thought further, and wanted just to feel alive again and started to pace around my room. I tried to think it trough rationally; how could there be some condition of life, from which I would have already been dead, if this life I'm now experiencing is the only life I know? The rationale seemed reasonable, but didn't help with my feeling of fear and the general sense of illusionary nature of external reality. I wanted my surroundings to feel solid again, and I went to see if my housemate would still exist, I woke him up and had a comforting conversation with him. Soon afterwards I felt exhausted and went to bed soon. | I tried to focus on becoming same with the buddha again, but now it led me to another delusion. I felt that everything in my life, all the people in it and all my experiences had been only in order to bring me to this point. And thus everything was about me, all of the outer reality was only an illusion in my mind. Somehow this led me to a thought: I had already died before, and this life I was now living was only some kind of an afterlife limbo. I was terrified and backed out from following this thought further, and wanted just to feel alive again and started to pace around my room. I tried to think it trough rationally; how could there be some condition of life, from which I would have already been dead, if this life I'm now experiencing is the only life I know? The rationale seemed reasonable, but didn't help with my feeling of fear and the general sense of illusionary nature of external reality. I wanted my surroundings to feel solid again, and I went to see if my housemate would still exist, I woke him up and had a comforting conversation with him. Soon afterwards I felt exhausted and went to bed soon. | ||
''Submitted by - [[User:Fdskjalf|Fdskjalf]]'' | |||
==Effects analysis== | ==Effects analysis== | ||
*'''[[Effect::Focus enhancement]]''' - "I felt generally focused ... and my focus got more intense" | *'''[[Effect::Focus enhancement]]''' - "I felt generally focused ... and my focus got more intense" | ||